Why Rest Started to Feel Wrong to Me
Recently, I’ve noticed something unsettling—my guilt has intensified.
It used to show up in small ways. I would feel guilty taking a sick leave, even when I genuinely needed rest. Since I work from home, I convinced myself that resting should be easier, that I didn’t really have a “valid” reason to take a break. So even when I did take a day off, I didn’t actually rest. I just sat with guilt the entire day.
Rest never felt restorative.
Two years later, that same guilt hasn’t disappeared—it has expanded.
Before, it was easy for me to say no and speak my mind. Now, I find myself overempathizing. The moment I feel like I’ve disappointed someone, guilt rushes in. Choosing what I need or want feels wrong, almost selfish.
And it’s exhausting.
Not just physically, but mentally.
There are days when I ask myself over and over:
Is it okay to rest? To take a day off? To skip something?
Even when my body feels drained, a part of me insists it’s not “enough” to justify rest.
But when I really look at my days, I see this:
Wake up at 5 AM
Commute for 1.5 hours
Work for 8 hours
Travel another hour to school
Attend class for 3 hours
Commute 2 hours back home
Repeat for 3 consecutive days
Anyone would be exhausted.
So why can’t I let myself feel tired?
Why do I label it as laziness?
Why do I still push myself to go to the gym just to feel “productive enough”?
Can you feel it too?
How heavy that sounds?
At some point, I decided to do something about it. So I bought a book—Guilt Free by Dr. Jennifer Reid.
One idea stayed with me:
Guilt = Expectation + Reality
It reminded me of something I once shared in a counseling session—that I set very high, rigid standards for myself. And whenever I fail to meet them, everything feels wrong.
The “reality” part, I realized, is shaped by how I interpret my situation. Not necessarily by what’s objectively true.
One root of my guilt? Perfectionism.
I created standards to feel “okay”—to feel productive, valid, worthy of rest. But those standards became so rigid that anything less felt like failure.
Even outside of work, I feel it.
When I don’t attend gatherings, I feel like I’m disappointing people. Like I’m failing at being a good sibling, friend, partner—whatever role I’m in.
But the truth is:
I’ve been trying to meet all these expectations, all at once, all the time.
And that’s simply not possible.
No one can show up 100% every day—at work, in relationships, in school, and still have energy left for themselves.
I’m starting to understand that managing guilt isn’t about eliminating it completely.
It’s about making it adaptive, not overwhelming.
And that means two things:
Setting boundaries
Practicing self-compassion
But this is where the real challenge begins.
Because even if I support myself, I cannot control how others will react.
Some people might feel disappointed. Some might not understand.
And I have to accept that.
I may have to let go of certain roles or the idea of being “the best” at everything.
Maybe I won’t always be the perfect student, employee, sibling, or friend.
And maybe… that’s okay.
Because I’m not responsible for everyone’s feelings.
I am responsible for my own well-being.
If you ever find yourself feeling guilty for choosing yourself—
Pause.
Breathe.
Let it be uncomfortable, but don’t let it control you.
You don’t have to fix everything all at once.
Just take one step.